SkyMall

I absolutely love the SkyMall magazine which comes in the seat pocket of most commercial flights. For the uninitiated, it’s an eclectic collection of gadgets and knickknacks, each with a catchy tag line, a marketing koan if you will, meant to drive you to the realization that this item will improve your quality of life by orders of magnitude. New catalogs appear every few months. Some highlights from this issue.

Items that may actually be useful:

• “The Ultimate Projection Solution: SUPER SLIM PROJECTOR”
• “It’s time to meet the future with the Cell Phone Watch”
• “Harness the Power of the wind and sun and recharge your small devices the green way”
• “Goldtouch Go! Travel Keyboard”
• “Projector Phone”

Items that would be amusing to play around with:

• “The Only 3D Web Camera”
• “The Voice Recognition Grocery List Organizer”
• “The Telekinetic Obstacle Course”
• “The Latest Technology in Video Eyewear is Here!”
• “The Marshmallow Shooter”
• “Get the new SkyMall iPhone app”
• “The Fuel Cell Car and Experiment Kit”

Items which provide comic relief while perusing The Mall:

• “Must-Have Wine Gifts of the Season” (drunk Reindeer cork toppers)
• “The Only Picture Taking Night Vision Monocular”
• “Truck Antlers”
• “World Famous Footed Pajamas”

Items which are creepy:

• Spy and security hidden cameras
• GPS vehicle trackers
• “Personal Safety Starts With Taser”

Items which are amusingly useless:

• “The Indoor Dog Restroom”
• “The Thomas Kinkade Carol Playing Clock”
• “The Only Portable Microwave Oven”
• “Imagine how awesome it would be to have your own vending machine”
• Memorabilia: “The First Couple Diptych”, “Angels & Demons Sculpt”, “Hermione’s Yule Ball Earings”
• “Golfers-rid yourself of those ugly sock tan lines forever”
• “Pop in a slotRadio TM card and enjoy great music”
• “Blitz through the year’s best business books”
• All Successories items
• “Play Your Favorite Guitar Songs In ONE Hour With Just ONE Finger”
• “Have you ever wanted to make or receive a phone call under water?”